You Are Not Alone

  I am sentimental about things.  For example, the Grandmother clock my Mom gave to me, my Great-grand mother's pie safe (why are they called a 'pie-safe', anyway?), photos I have, jewelry from my Mom, my granny's salt and pepper shakers.  I am sentimental about people.  My children, my husband, my grand daughter, my dad, memories of my Mom and granny.  What does this word mean?
According to the dictionary, "Of or prompted by feelings of tenderness, sadness, or nostalgia."  Yup, I'm pretty sentimental about life.

Sometimes, in the scheme of things, life will through you a super bad curve ball.  You may have lost your job.  You may be trying to start a new life.  You may have had some bad news at the doctor's office.  You may have experienced a death in your family or of a close friend.  You may have unexpected expenses and are unable to meet your obligations.  That is life.  It sucks! 

When, after almost 8 years of no active retinopaty in my eyes, I woke up and was like, "OH CRAP!", Okay, that is not exactly what I said, but it's close.   Then, after my doctor visits and not getting my way, I was resolved to live a life of a blind person.  I know it's going to happen.  I've known for a long time, but until now, my doctor has been able to keep that from happening.  It's closer to happening now than ever before. 

The last few weeks have not been easy.  I'm not able to go to my dad's on my scheduled weekend and give him a hard time, translated, take care of him.  So, my sisters are having to trade off.  That bothers me and I miss the time with my dad.  I'm not able to do a lot of things, like work in my garden.  The weeds have pretty much taken over.  I have to rely on my son and husband to do a lot more around the house, like lifting, bending, moving things.  It's just second nature to do those things.  However, right now, I am on super alert to not.

For example, hubby and I went to do our laundry (washer died) last night.  After all the laundry was washed, folded and packed up, I was going to pick up a basket of towels and put them in a cart and pull the cart to the car.  I thought James was going to have a heart attack right there!!  It wasn't real crowded, but there were enough people to hear him tell me, "You even think about picking that basket up and you will regret it!"  Not that he would beat me up....but meaning, my eye would start to bleed again, regret it.  While cooking some dinner one night last week, my son walked in just as I was about to pick up a iron skillet and place in the oven.  He was like "MOM! What are you doing?  Here, let me do that."  After recovering from being scared half to death, I walked into the living room, sat down and cried.

I decided that I was not needed around here, so why bother.  Thoughts and ideas began to circle around inside my head.  Thoughts that frightened me.  Thoughts and ideas that should never, ever be inside one's head.  I can't do the things that allow me to feel like I am contributing to our little family.  I can't pick up my grand daughter, or nephew and play with them.  I get confused and disoriented in dark rooms or outside in the dark.  I decided to have a really good, for me only, pity party.

I sent a friend a email.  I poured out my heart.  I explained every thought, feeling, idea, and plan that had entered my mind over the last few weeks.  My friend sent me back an email that said only this:

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. Deut. 31:6

WOW!  Is that not one great big promise?  I began to pray.  I asked God to give me comfort and strength to accept whatever He has planned for me.  Then I began to thank God for all He has blessed me with. In the end, it was a LOT!!!  And, what God has blessed me with was a lot more than what I was going through.

I have lived, so far, 45 years.  I have seen the ocean, from both coast lines.  I have seen the snow capped mountains, the desert, I've seen caribou, elk, eagles flying on the breeze.  I have seen the sun set and the sun rise.  I've seen the falling snow, and a rain storm.  I've seen children laughing and playing, I've seen grown men cry.  I have been rich, and I have been poor.  I have worked hard and taken it easy.  I've struggled for what I want and I've had things given to me.  I have seen life and I have seen death.  I've seen a lot in 45 years.  I have a mind, with a pretty good memory card.  I have felt the wind blowing through my hair, the rain on my face, the sun warm my shoulders. I have seen my daughter walk down the isle.  And, I have no regrets. I have made choices in life that may not have been the best, but it was the best at that time. 

No matter what life throws your way, no matter how desperate you may become, God will never leave you alone.  When everyone else is talking about you behind your back, when everyone else is saying horrible untrue things about you, when the doctors give you the worse news imaginable, when you see no way out of whatever situation you are in, God is right there with you, hands stretched out, waiting on you to take hold.

I'm not one to 'preach'.  God knows I'm not perfect.  But sometimes, we just need to be reminded that we are not alone.  No matter what we are going through, or experiencing, God is right there with us.


YOU are not alone.