PLEASE NOTE: I AM NOT AN EXPERT ON RELATIONSHIPS.
Hubby and I have been married for a little over four years. In that sense, we're still classified as 'newlyweds'. But, here lately, it feels like we've been together forever! With all the stresses of our life that has happened over the last year or so, we've fallen into a rut of sorts. We get up in the morning, make coffee, he turns on the TV, I get on the computer. At noon, we watch the Noon News, he gets ready for work, I get dressed, he leaves for work, I get busy cleaning the house, cooking dinner, doing the laundry. At 10:30, he comes home, eats dinner, watches TV and falls asleep on the sofa, I surf the Internet until I go to bed. A rut? I'd say we were in serious trouble.
The experts say this sometimes happens. My question is 'Why?' Why do married couples allow ourselves to get into this way of life? This last weekend was an 'eye opener' of sorts for us. We realized we were just not happy. We asked each other, "What happened?" We spent 3-4 hours talking about when it began, why it began and what we can do to get out of this rut. We had to do some serious thinking back into the past. Neither of us have been unfaithful. So that is not an issue. We also turned to the Internet to see what the 'experts' had to say. The first thing they mentioned is to have a date night. Who can really afford to go out to dinner and a movie every week? And, wouldn't that get boring after a while? I'm not down playing the date night. I actually think it is a great idea. We dated before we got married, got dressed up, put on our best...everything and had a great time. So, date night could work.
The other thing the 'experts' mentioned is having breakfast, or lunch a few times a week away from the house. I might agree with this, too. I have a wonderful friend who says, "You can not connect with your spouse at home. There are too many distractions." I totally agree with this. But again, who can afford it? What is the price of saving a marriage these days?
One thing we discovered is we have this fear. Fear? Yes, fear. See, we live next door to my sister who is a diabetic and has low blood sugars during the early morning hours. There have been a few times we've went out only to come home to ambulance and family members at her house because she had a low blood sugar. We've been asked, "Where were you? Why were you not here?" We know we're not responsible for her or her health. She is older than I am, and she knows what she should do, but refuses to do it. Hubby says, "We have to just say _________ this and do it! We just have to decide to do what we're doing and not worry about the 'what-ifs'" I'm not sure I can do that. After all, she IS my sister. But the question is: Am I responsible for her? The answer: No. The next question is: Is being here all the time, stopping our life, more important that my marriage? The answer is : HELL NO! So, I have a huge obstacle to climb when it comes to the 'fear'.
We made a few plans, gathered a few ideas and as long as nothing big happens, these thing WILL happen. Sometimes, I think, we just have to say, "NO" and move on. Will 'date night' work? I sure hope so. There comes a time in any marriage that we just have to stop what we're doing and put everything else to the side and focus on our relationships. We did this when we were dating. Nothing else mattered. It was just you and him, him and you. The world stopped moving when you two were together. Why should it spin faster after a few years or a lot of years being married? I will post after a few times of doing this and let you all know how it has worked out.
What do you do to keep the spark alive in your marriage?
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