Friday: The Chantix has been stopped. I'm not smoking nearly as much as I was before I began the Chantix, but I had to stop taking it. I have no memory of Friday between 6pm and 3am. I do know I ended up in the ER, with my husband and sister, freaking out! I'm much better today. I guess, according to the hospital records, I had a "psychotic break down" due to the Chantix. Won't take that again. I'll just stick to the patch.
Saturday: Spent the day with my dad, caring for him. In the process, dad fell, James caught him, and pulled the muscles in his back. We didn't realize just how bad it was until Monday. I'll get to that in a bit.
Sunday: James and I tried to spend some very much needed time together, but some family members got upset over that. They will get over it. We needed this time.
Monday: James was hurting pretty bad, but was hell bent and Georgia bound to go to work. He went to take a shower and I thought he was in there a little longer than normal. He finally yelled for me and when I got to the bathroom, he was down for the count!! It took me 45 minutes to get him to the bedroom, about 15 feet. I ended up calling an ambulance to take him to the hospital. We were there over 6 hours and I had to yell at the ER doctor's to get him some kind of pain relief. My sister, Johannah, came to get us and bring us home.
Last night was bad. Had about 3 hours sleep total. My oldest sister, Theresa, took me to the pharmacy to get James' pain pills. I don't think she realizes how much I appreciate that. My brother, Jeff, is going to help out in the morning by getting some stuff we need. Our PCP finally called in a muscle relaxer today so tomorrow, again, Theresa will take me over to get that.
Sometimes, I think, my family is about as dysfunctional as they come. We fight. We argue. We go days without talking to each other. We say things about each other that we really do not mean. You would think at times, we hate each other. But, when it gets down to brass tacks, we are there for each other. We always have been and I pray, we always will be. We don't always agree with each other. But, we love each other fully.
Family is important. They are the ones that teach us to be a friend and an enemy. They are the ones we rely one, whether we realize it or not. We are the ones that get in trouble with each other and cover each others butts. We celebrate the good times and hold each other in the bad times. We know when each other is being honest, and when we aren't being so honest. We accept each other as we are. We do not try to change each other. We love each other, faults and all, through the good and the bad. We're family. It's what we do. It's who we are.
Being the 'baby' of the family has its advantages. It also has its disadvantages. Sometimes more disadvantages than advantages. The 'baby' is protected by the older siblings. This can be a good thing, and it can be a bad thing. One thing is for sure; my older siblings will never know how much I love each of them. They will never know how much I appreciate them. They may have an idea. But, they will never fully know how deep my love for each one of them goes. Sometimes, I don't think I realize how deep that love is. You can tell your family you love them, you can show how much you love them, but honestly, they will never know the full extent of that love.
One thing is for certain, there is nothing I wouldn't do for any one of my brothers and sisters. If it is within my power, I will be there for them. They are my life. They are my being. And I love each one of them deeply. I hope they know this. I hope they know how much I appreciate everything they have done for me and James the last few days. I hope they know that I will never repay them, but I will never forget what they have done.
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